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Kori Gouge

Core Connection Visibility Coach

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Stories (Blog)

Dangerous Stories

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I used to be a bleeding heart activist.

In grad school, while reading the then declassified documents about dictator Augustus Pinochet’s heinous acts, I was so appalled, I had to stop reading. I was sensitive and the suffering of others greatly affected me.

After completing my studies at this more progressive-minded private university, I went to work for a non-profit. I wanted to be a part of making change.

I began working in under-resourced schools and rather quickly, I was the one who changed.

I saw my activism was misguided.

I began to see that how the liberal ideology I had been indoctrinated under in my graduate studies viewed under-resourced persons did not help to lift those persons out of poverty – it kept them in it. 

Believing people in lower socioeconomic classes and minorities were oppressed and therefore needed lower standards kept many in a cycle of underperforming. As these beliefs pervaded the schools, teachers taught differently. Instead of seeing all students as capable, they fed into a negative belief about those students which then fed the students’ negative beliefs about themselves.

Yes, students grow up with different resources and in different home environments. Some may need extra tutoring or more support in certain subjects. That addresses a deficit in a skill that can be developed over time. This is important and necessary.

Seeing students as less competent because of all their barriers attacks their character.

It doesn’t allow them to see there is a different story and instead creates a self-fulfilling prophecy of resignation so these students leave high school ill-equipped for post-secondary education, trade school, or the workforce.

I refused to be a part of it. I heard many of my students’ stories of abuse, neglect, and involvement in gangs and I knew they were more than that. They didn’t need my pity. What they needed was my belief in them.

I saw what was possible for them and I held high expectations and standards for them because I realized many of them had begun to lose that for themselves and some never had that to begin with.

I was also straight with them.

I took them on field trips to universities, colleges, trade schools, and to workplaces that ranged from construction to athletics to office supply to small businesses. I also took them to the county jail.

I reminded them that their future depended on the choices they were making today. That, they, not their parents, their upbringing, their neighborhood, or their school, were responsible for what they did with their skills, interest, education, and knowledge. It was up to them to change their story, and not continue a cycle of blaming everything and everyone for their situation in life, even if that was all they knew up until then.

I taught them how to design and create business cards for their chosen careers. You could see their whole being shift as they held that stack of cards in their hands, their name proudly displayed above their career title.

They were changing their stories.

Had I bought into the dominant narrative that these students’ challenges were bigger than them and fed into the damning mentality of victimhood and helplessness, I would have done them a great disservice.

If I hadn’t seen the error of my misguided activism first hand, I might have gone on believing the story media and liberal politicians and educators were perpetuating.

Unfortunately, this story of helplessness and blame is running rampant still today. 

Many people aligned with leftish liberal ideals are dismissing the importance of two-parent families and the power of personal responsibility in equipping students for success in today’s society.

It is important to look behind the curtain to see what and who is really running the show.

This is challenging in the US when many news outlets have a more liberal slant. 

Tell one story over and over again, make it the dominant story and it becomes THE story. 

The story of victimhood, blame, shame, hatred, anger, and division. That is the story.

Let’s not forget that propaganda is what helped Hitler gain increasing power and turn many Germans against the Jewish population. 

I am not saying this to be dramatic. I am sharing this because it is that serious. 

The US was built on the values of personal responsibility, hard work, equality, civic-mindedness, and goodwill. These ideals are being thrown out the window and the character of this country is being threatened to be destroyed.

We must become critical consumers of information. We don’t have the luxury of passively consuming media.

In 1924, Adolf Hitler wrote that propaganda’s

“task is not to make an objective study of the truth, in so far as it favors the enemy, and then set it before the masses with academic fairness; its task is to serve our own right, always and unflinchingly.” 

This could have just as easily been said by the NYT, CNN, Google, Twitter, or Youtube. 

This quote alone is enough reason for all of us to wake up, double and triple-check facts, uncover the agenda of each media outlet, higher education institution, and the board members and donors of big and powerful organizations, hold up their information to the light, and never cease our search for the objective truth.

The more people who do this, the more the media and the organizations and institutions that support it will face their reckoning.

We cannot be dupes, swallowing everything that is fed to us. We must seek the real story.

We must analyze the facts to ensure they are not being manipulated to sell more copies, get more subscribers, gain more donations, or influence an election.

We must uphold our belief in the inherent goodness, worth, and value of every human being and never dismiss the ability and potential of each person to overcome even the most challenging of circumstances.

That is the power of the human spirit. That is a story I can get behind.

Recommended Reading:

A Nation of Victims

Codependency Conspiracy

Your Calling is Your Practice

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I’m a natural teacher and guide. AND, I have dedicated my life to it. I am constantly learning, researching, experimenting, and applying what I have learned. 

Even when something comes to you naturally, you have to feed and nurture it through committed practice. 

Why do I do what I do? 

I love seeing people lit up – seeing their being physically change. It is powerful when they have a new insight – when they see, interpret, or perceive the world differently – in a way that makes something new possible for them.

I saw this happen when I was coaching cross country and track at Steamboat Springs High School. Many of the student athletes had placed limitations on their abilities.

With practice and the mindset of “one more step,” they all shattered their self-imposed constraints. When they did, the way they held themselves shifted. They stood taller, they smiled more often. They exuded an easy and natural confidence.

When I was teaching career and post-secondary preparation to students from under-resourced schools – many of whom were first-generation US Americans and English was their second language, others whose families had low expectations of them, and still others who came from abusive and neglectful households – I saw the light of possibility shine more brightly as these students began to see a different future for themselves than what they had thought possible.

I guided them to explore their interests, skills, and talents and discover different career paths that excited them. They then created their own business cards with their chosen career listed under their name. The pride that exuded from these students as they showed off their cards was palpable.

With my clients, they begin to realize all the barriers they have erected preventing higher levels of success. They start to shift to see these barriers as leverage. Each barrier is a tool for their continued growth. It becomes a game — what will the next obstacle be? The greater the obstacle, the even greater the solution and the sweeter the success.

They uncover the reserves of power and creativity that have been laid dormant for years. Who they are being transforms. They have an ease about them that has replaced the hustle. Their whole sense of who they are has elevated which allows them to take bold actions, have courageous conversations, and be tapped into and advance their passion and mission.

It is exhilarating, this work I do, precisely because it is what I am meant to do and what I dedicate myself to. 

What are you being called to? 

Book your call with me and let’s dream and create even bigger.

Change the Conversation With Yourself First

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I woke up at 4:30 am on Saturday so that I could trail run before the trail got crowded.

I find being alone on the trail clears my mind. I often have great insights while train running. It gives me an incredible sense of freedom to be surrounded by pine-covered hills, patches of wildflowers, deer grazing, birds singing, and the breeze whistling its own tune.

As I was nearing the end of the run, I started thinking about the idea of acceptance and how it can sometimes be confused with complacency and even resignation. 

Acceptance vs resignation.

Many times when we think of acceptance, our default is to associate it with resignation.

If I accept myself at this level of earning, doesn’t that mean I am saying I don’t think I’m capable of more?

If I accept myself at this weight and level of fitness, doesn’t that mean I don’t care about my health?

Let’s explore this more.

Acceptance is acknowledging what is. I accept my current income. This doesn’t mean I like it necessarily.

I can choose to stay at that level or I can choose to change it. I am starting with clarity and consciousness. This is where I am. This is where I would like to be. What can I do to get there?

Acceptance honors where you are and what it took to get there.

Resignation says this is all there is. The belief and energy are different. Resignation doesn’t see change as possible. That’s just the way it is, says resignation. Might as well give up.

It is the energy of defeat. It is the belief of the victim.

Let’s look at different contexts.

With marriage, the question is do you accept this person to be your spouse? That means as they are, no matter what may come. The question isn’t do you resign yourself to this marriage?

Some people may enter relationships resigning themselves to the belief this is as good as they could get. How well do you think that marriage will go?

Acceptance allows for growth. With children, we accept they can’t walk, talk, read, or write. That doesn’t mean they are resigned to not walk, talk, read, or write for the rest of their lives.

When we accept where they are, we then see how we can guide them to grow.

Acceptance brings clear eyes and less judgment. 

Judgment does not lead to growth, counter to what we may believe. 

Acceptance means you own your desires and your abilities to realize them. Resignation sees those desires as too far out of reach, might as well stay where you are.

Acceptance is ownership.

You can accept where you are, what got you there, and what you can do to continue to move towards what it is you desire. It is the energy of love and curiosity.

Resignation is the energy of fear and criticism. 

Accepting where you are — in your business, finances, relationship, and health – doesn’t mean that you stay where you are. That would be resignation: “That’s just the way things are.”

Acceptance acknowledges that things are the way they are in this moment and can be changed in the next. 

Resignation sees that what is undesirable is inevitable. 

Acceptance sees where they are with appreciation and sees their desires as a natural inclination for growth. 

How can you grow if you don’t first accept where you are? It’s like not having a starting point on a journey. This doesn’t mean you fester about where you are, making yourself feel bad for your current state of affairs. It simply means taking stock.

Resignation is “I’ve got to get through this.” Acceptance is “what can I do to take advantage of this situation?”

Acceptance is “my experience is created within.” Resignation is “external situations determine my internal state.”

Personal responsibility and ownership vs victim mentality and blaming.

Your life will be dramatically different depending on what you choose. Not accepting full responsibility for your life, your well being, and your decisions is a choice. It might be operating at a lower level of consciousness but it is still a choice. 

Notice your behavior, actions, and conversations. Then look at the beliefs that led to them.

What are you experiencing? What actions and behaviors led to that experience? What beliefs led to those behaviors? Which of those beliefs are coming from victim mentality and fear and which are coming from ownership and love? 

You’re either dying or growing. Victim mentality leads to resignation and depression which stunts growth. Ownership leads to acceptance and empowerment which promotes positive change. 

Everything is possible. 

You create your own misery or your own happiness – not your circumstances, your family, or society. 

Your own restriction or limitation or oppression or your own freedom and liberation. 

Your own failure or your own success. Your own hatred or your own love. Your own fear or your own joy. 

Change occurs within and it starts, paradoxically, with acceptance. 

Only then will that which is outside of you change. 

Why I Do What I Do

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I started my business because I wanted to coach people on their dreams, strengths, interests, purpose, and genius because I knew that not only brought out who they really were, it also allowed them to have fun and connect with joy in their work and that made them perform even better in their work. They were more creative, innovative, enthusiastic, and passionate.

When more people are tapped into their genius and joy, this changes systems and structures, and ultimately the world. 

I wanted to coach people who wanted more, who wanted to grow and expand, who saw things differently and wanted to create change. I wanted to go deep to unlock their true genius which meant uncovering and releasing their fears so they could feel free to be their true selves and go after what they truly desired, to feel a sense of purpose and passion, and to be connected to their mission. 

I choose to live my life as an example to my nephews, nieces, and family, to live a legacy of freedom and full and free self–expression, creativity, generosity, impact, and philanthropy. To remind myself, my family, and community how much bigger life is than we realize and how much more is available to us than we allow ourselves to believe, receive, and experience.

When you do this, you see how much it benefits all of humanity, because when you are operating from purpose and inner security –  no longer seeking approval and acceptance from outside of yourself and are instead driven by your mission to change something about the world, your unique vision of what is possible — the world changes. Different decisions, choices, actions, policies, laws, events, conversations, and relationships become possible.

I am not naive. I know it will take time and I also know it can only start with each individual doing their part to change their beliefs about the world and what’s possible, holding that vision, and acting from that power instead of doubt, scarcity, and victim mentality. When you do that, you live your mission despite resistance, fear, or rejection because your mission is bigger than that.

I speak and write about relationships and your sense of self/identity, and communication. When these are not coming from a place of proving, trying to impress or uphold a certain appearance in order to give a specific perception of you, when they’re not twisted by how you think others see you or what you believe about yourself based on what others think – when you are free from that – you advance the mission within you that you are uniquely wired to create, express, and experience in the world.

Imagine instead of taking a job because it’s safe or socially acceptable, you take the job or create the job that lights you up. 

Instead of staying in an unsatisfying relationship, you choose a relationship that helps you grow.

Instead of numbing out with any number of addictions and distractions, you tune in and give yourself what you truly need. 

Instead of holding back what you think, you share it with grace and respect – no proving or convincing, simply offering a new or different perspective. People can love it or hate it, either way is ok with you

You don’t need anyone’s permission or approval to have, be, say, or do what you truly desire – you give it to yourself.

You stay in the present while holding and working toward your vision for the future. As such, you stop entertaining petty fears. You know and trust that you are equipped to meet each and every challenge that comes your way and there’s nothing to do but keep your mission moving forward.

That’s why I do what I do.

Reimagining and Redesigning Your Life

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The quiet in the morning is almost eerie. The morning rush of traffic is gone. It feels like you are in one of those small towns where all the main street shops have for sale signs in the windows and the life has all but bled out of what used to be the bustling, beating heart of town.

When you have passed through these types of towns from adventures past, you often wondered what happened? Where did all the people go? Why did they leave? And what about the ones who stayed? Do they not miss how alive main street used to be? 

Now it isn’t about people fleeing small towns to find work in the city. It’s people sheltering at home, doing what they can to stop the spread of this deadly virus. It feels like a scene from a post-apocalyptic movie. No sophisticated weapons of war needed here  – a cough or a sneeze is all it takes to potentially take you out. 

The streets are quiet. Downtowns are like ghost towns.

And now, without having to drive to and from work, to social gatherings, kids activities and events, or going on mini-adventures, that aching of your soul that you had gotten so good at running from by maintaining a too full schedule is screaming at you to pay attention. 

Now, it says, now. 

Now we have the time. You don’t have to keep running from me. You’ll never be able to outrun me anyway. 

Listen. Listen to me. Let’s do this. 

Let’s use this time to get to know each other. I know you want more yet I can tell you’re not sure what that is or what it looks like or what it will require of you. Let’s use this time to explore that, bring it to the light. We can then decide what to do and how. I must tell you, the more that is calling you won’t go back to sleep after this. You are done sleeping. The desire for more is done being dismissed and discounted. It wants to be realized and you are the only one who can do that. 

Now that the pace has slowed, you can’t run from the calling of your soul anymore. There aren’t enough distractions now and time is no longer an excuse. 

You get to decide who you are going to emerge as on the other side of this pandemic.

You know you want more. 

It’s now a matter of vision, desire, determination, and a clear actionable plan. You need part practical action, part creative dreaming and imagination, and 100% love.

You want to redesign your life but don’t know how.

You are being nudged with this feeling – I have this opportunity to recreate myself but what direction do I want to go in? I don’t want to do it alone because I know it will take too long and I would love to have a guide to help me see the way.

Introducing Your Desire Emergence Roadmap – an intimate four week group experience

During the four weeks: 

  • You will get clear on who you’re going to be and how you’re going to create that and design the plan for actualizing it.
  • You will learn tools to keep you in alignment with your desires and forward momentum.
  • You will create practices to transform limiting beliefs and stay focused on where you are going, what you are creating, and who you are becoming.
  • Together, we will clarify and define your greatest vision and desire for your life and create a clear roadmap for going in that direction and bringing it into realization. 

*If you prefer to do this with one on one support that would take you through the implementation and execution of the plan, you can enroll in my one on one mentorship AND be a part of the group as a bonus for additional resources, support, and to be part of a like-minded and like-spirited community to boot!

Stop saying I want… and instead, be living and doing it.

Why now? 

Seeing hundreds of people die in one day is a real wake up call. Life can be gone in the blink of an eye and you don’t want to wait anymore. You know, now more than ever, there are no guarantees and you don’t want to die with dreams still unrealized inside of you. 

You’re tired of the excuses, tired of numbing out, going through the motions, seeking whatever distraction and dismissing your desires. You want to be awake, alive, and know that you are doing what is in tune with your values, beliefs, personality, how you work best, and what is the expression of your unique gifts. 

You want to master your emotional and energetic state and your physical, mental, and financial well being – to stop feeling like you’re caught in a pinball machine being knocked around by the various challenges of life. 

You want to feel secure in who you are even when it seems like the world is turned upside down. You want to know you have the tools and internal resolve and resources to weather any storm. 

You want to become who you meant to be, who your soul is calling you to be, and who your children, partner, family, community, and world need you to be. 

Learn more and enroll here: bit.ly/Rise_Align_Thrive

How Shifting Your Money Story Creates Security

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We are in unprecedented times. The stock market looks like a roller coaster ride. Businesses are being forced to close. Many people are looking at unemployment. Insecurity is rampant as is anxiety.

Why? Many people place their sense of security on money. Yet security can only come from within.

In 2017,  I was offering and conducting training and workshops on improving your relationship with money. I loved it and was passionate about it. I knew first hand how easily our relationship with money could be distorted.

I wanted to play a role in changing that and bringing more freedom and empowerment to people around money. 

Around that same time, I heard two people on two different occasions talking about people who helped people with their money and they commented that these individuals were driving basic cars. I could sense the judgment in their tone of voice – like who are you to tell us about money – you drive a Toyota! As if the type of car you drive determines your net worth. 

I started to second-guess myself. Well, I drive a basic car so does that mean I shouldn’t be helping people with money? What a silly question and even sillier that I entertained it.

There are a lot of vanity measures of worth – the type of car you drive, the size of your house, the brand name of your clothes. You can have all that and not be wealthy and instead be deep in debt. You can also have all that, not be in debt, and still feel poor.

The truth is your worth does not, and never has, come from your material possessions or financial status. That is the outside in approach that leaves many people chasing a certain financial status only to reach it and still feel empty inside. And others to lose it all and feel worthless without it.

It needs to be flipped. Start on the inside.

Create your own sense of worth and value from within – a worth and value that is not dependent on outside circumstances – and you will never feel poor, no matter what’s happening around you. When you create prosperity and wealth on the inside, it can’t help but be expressed on the outside. The same way a caterpillar cannot but become a butterfly. 

I never had money issues. I started earning money as an adolescent by offering my services as a babysitter and house cleaner. I got a job when I was 15 by walking to every business in my neighborhood to ask if they were hiring. None of them hired me but when I was sharing my search for work with a friend in math class, she suggested I apply at the dry cleaners where she worked.

I went in to apply, got a work permit, and was hired within the week. I loved it. These were pre-cell phone and mass credit card use days. Most people paid cash and we had to do the math in our heads to give the right change. I soon was closing the stores, tracking the money in, and depositing the money in the safe before I left. I felt so empowered!

In college, when I got my first credit cards, I always paid them off in full each month. I invested. I saved. I bought my own home when I was in my 30’s with no financial support from anyone but me. I had money to complete home repairs and to contract out work beyond my expertise. I felt free.

Then I got into coaching. I started investing 4 and 5 figures in other coaches and started buying into the rhetoric of the self-help and coaching world. All of a sudden I discovered I had money blocks. I learned it must be from my grandparents and parents or it was a fear of success or outshining your family.

The truth is I didn’t have any money blocks. You don’t either.

Believing this keeps you investing in getting help to overcome them though. This begins a vicious cycle of I must be broken so I need to invest in help. Yet when that support doesn’t help, you convince yourself you must be more broken than you thought. This keeps you in a cycle of debt, doubt, and an income that doesn’t meet your needs and desires.

Before all this, I had always been able to support myself well with plenty left over to invest in travel, my future, house projects, clothes, and fun. Now all of a sudden, I have money issues? 

Instead of looking at the evidence that I managed my money well and had always been a smart consumer and wise steward of money, I bought into the victim mentality. It’s your imprinting, they said. 

No, it’s not. It’s what you are choosing to believe which is what influences your decisions and actions which is what creates your outcomes.

When you accept full responsibility for your financial, physical, and mental well-being, there is no room for excuses or playing the victim. Talk about being empowered and free!

When you choose to invest from a place of fear, it is easy to convince yourself that if you invest more, you would be more motivated to do the work and whatever it took to get a return on your investment.

It doesn’t work.

Punishing yourself, by investing beyond your means, never equates to growth. Bullying yourself often turns into the MO and even though you have plenty of proof it doesn’t work, you keep at it.

What does it take to break free?

What it often does: hitting rock bottom. 

Seeing your debt increasing while your income isn’t. Struggling to pay the bills each month. Feeling anxiety around money in ways you had not experienced before.

You are not alone in this.

You can come back to seeing money as a tool that empowers you to live as you desire. This is what you need to live, so cool, what can you do to create that?

You can bring money back to neutral, like math. This is how it works – it doesn’t play favorites and it can’t be distorted. It simply is what it is. Numbers.

Now I am coming back to where I started.  You can too.

You are not broken. Whatever beliefs you may have picked up from your family are not a life sentence or curse. You get to create your own beliefs – beliefs that don’t take you down the rabbit hole of psychobabble money drama – that money is energy, pure and simple.

Join me in doing what it takes to get out of debt, stay out of debt, and increase your income to more than support you, your family, and the lifestyle you desire. Learn to be wise in your investments and smart about your future, which means having the proper life insurance and estate plan and building your savings and retirement fund. And, yes, maybe even driving a used car.

Now is the perfect time to create and build your sense of empowerment and freedom around money. The world will always be an insecure place and the future always uncertain.

You are the one who can create certainty and stability in not only owning your true worth and value but also in taking full responsibility for your financial, mental, and physical state of being. It’s all connected and it can all be transformed – one thought, belief, decision, and action at a time. 

Now is the Perfect Time to Get Right with Your Money

Mastering your energetic, emotional, financial, and physical state in times of uncertainty is my specialty – book your call with me to learn how we can work together so that you create a life that exceeds your greatest desires no matter what’s happening around you. 

Invest in yourself by working with a coach who sees you beyond whatever challenge you’re currently facing rather than one who defines you by your challenge.

http://bit.ly/Activate_You