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I wasn’t consciously aware of much of it though.
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You see, I was brave and bold in many things – skiing off crevasses down steep slopes, sailing across the Atlantic for 23 days as a cadet in the US Coast Guard Academy, traveling solo throughout Central America for four months, leading a group of students to Nicaragua and Mozambique, moving to live and work in Mexico and then Costa Rica for close to three years, performing on stage as a dancer, improv actor and spoken word poet, starting my own business, walking away from the prestige of being a university professor when I refused to get the V, overcoming eating disorders to develop a healthy body, overcoming alcohol abuse, and overcoming destructive relationships to enter into a healthy, loving, God-focused marriage.
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It was little things –
Held back on my dream of studying writing in college because my stepdad said it was a stupid idea
Accepted dates with men whom I didn’t like because I didn’t want to “hurt their feelings”
Stayed at jobs I didn’t love because I didn’t want to let anyone down
Stayed in relationships that didn’t work because I thought maybe it would get better
Said yes to family obligations and social events when I wanted to say no
Monitored what I shared and how I shared it in my business for fear of rejection
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All of this was a betrayal of my own values many times. It was me abandoning myself. It was valuing others’ opinions of me over my own.
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The more you do this, the more you doubt yourself and question your path because you are disconnected from your heart. You are living for others and slowly squashing your soul’s truest expression.
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I have done a lot of healing around this so that I live by my convictions, my no means no and my yes means yes, and so my business is a true reflection of me and not a carbon copy of someone else’s business.
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It is not easy.
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Going your own way never is.
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For all the challenges you will face as you commit to your way, I have to tell you that the struggles are 100% worth it.
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Whose life do you want to live anyway?
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Make it yours and make yours the one you wouldn’t trade for anything.
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Kori