I chased my dream to Mexico in 2011, leaving behind a “great job,” friends and family, my home, and my dog. Then I ventured solo throughout all of Central America before taking my dog and a job in Costa Rica. This was a dream that was planted on my soul many years before that was now coming to fruition. My desire was to live and work in a Spanish speaking country, doing work I loved that was meaningful to me. Once I had left the confines of working for a large organization and tasted a bit of freedom, I knew I could never go back. Most of the work I had done up until then had been coaching people around their strengths, gifts, talents, and their mindsets. As part of my job in Costa Rica, I had to start my own company to work as a contractor for that organization. It turned out to be the perfect time to become a certified coach.
As I worked to build my coaching business, which to me, represented the culmination of my highest values – guiding others to their brilliance while having the freedom to work from anywhere, set my own schedule, and set my own rates. It was in total alignment with my highest self.
Stepping into this new version of me required more courage and determination than I ever imagined. As I completed my coach training and was conducting my hours of practice, my best furry companion died, leaving me even more alone than I already felt living in a country that I never felt embraced me. It was one of the most challenging experiences of my life – no friends or family and now no dog. I also was still working for a company that didn’t feel aligned with who I was becoming. I returned to the US about seven months later only to find I no longer felt at home there. This culminated in a period of deep depression. I still had my best friend, Emily, who was the only friend who had kept in touch with me during my life abroad. I lost her, however, eight months after I returned to the US to cancer. It was one hard slap after another. All of this while I’m building a business. Now I see it was part of the process of going deeper than I had ever gone which is exactly what I needed to guide my clients to go deeper than they’ve ever gone.
But I hadn’t reached the bottom quite yet. Drinking and dysfunctional relationships and old, deep seated beliefs about scarcity over success were still to launch attacks on me as I continued to walk the entrepreneurial path. All of which required massive transformation in order for me to stand fully in my power and truth.
Now I see they were all meant to bring out the real me. The me that no longer lets anything or anyone determine her emotional state or well-being. The me that now holds herself in high regard no matter what crazy thing is happening because she now sees it is all happening for her. It always has been, she just couldn’t see it before as she was trapped in her shadow self, thinking the world was happening to her and against her. It was all lies. Now she sees and holds the truth that nothing and no one has power over her, that security, success, and belonging come from her, and that there is no limit to the realization of her desires. There are no hoops to jump through, conditions to uphold, rules to follow, or authorities to please. She simply walks in truth, which is one of the most courageous and alchemizing paths you will ever take.
What is it like there?
From body hatred and shame and obsessing over food and exercise to true body love and freedom – no restrictions, no rules, eating whatever I desire with pleasure, moving my body in ways that move my soul, even performing as a burlesque dancer for a brief spell – massive transformation.
From low self worth which resulted in dysfunctional and destructive relationships with increasing unavailable men which ranged from living in different cities and countries to them being in relationships, engaged, and even married, to holding my sense of self-worth and value in my own hands and engaging in a conscious, evolving, committed relationship with mutual respect, love, and passion.
From anxiety and self-doubt that kept me looking outside of myself for validation and security so much so that I held on to side jobs for way too long because I didn’t fully trust myself and my business to support me to letting the side jobs go, even when there was no sign of security from my business, and choosing to trust me and my business no matter what and to do whatever it takes to live in alignment with my true values and desires.
In each of these areas, I had spent years working with different therapists, coaches, and energy healers, I had read every book there is about overcoming these issues, attended seminars, workshops, 12 step meetings, you name it, I had done it. But nothing ever stuck. Sure I gained a new insight but changing my fundamental operating system was still not complete. That is, until I found the work of shadow alchemy. It is the path to true liberation from all the ways you have been holding yourself back and living a life that leaves you feeling something is always missing. It is the path to the true, unfiltered, unadulterated, you, in all your glory and power.
If you are tired of feeling stuck and frustrated because you’ve done #allthethings and don’t feel like you have that much to show for it and you truly desire to live and work in true alignment with your genuine soul desires and genius, I invite you to schedule a call to learn more about what working together looks like.