When things don’t turn out as you would like, how do you handle it? Do you criticize yourself? Beat yourself up? Feel down about the whole situation?
That is how I used to deal with disappointments. And, to be honest, it wasn’t helpful at all. Yet, it was familiar. We can become addicted to suffering, as absurd as that sounds.
I now see disappointments as detours – that perhaps these missteps are actually guiding me in a better direction than I could have imagined.
It starts with letting go of your attachment to how it is supposed to turn out. It takes practice in reframing the way you see things and most importantly, the way you THINK about things.
Here are some questions to ask when you are facing a less-than-ideal outcome or situation:
What can you let go of?
How can you hold it loosely?
Can you try to see it in a way that lessens its significance?
In the grand scheme of things, is this thing as big of a deal as you think it is?
What if it didn’t mean anything about you? What would you do?
What did you learn from it?
What do you want to do differently?
What is one thing you can now to put that learning into practice?
Failure is the best teacher, if you use it as an opportunity to learn, and not allow it to mean that you are a failure. If you continue to learn from mistakes, missteps, and stumbles, you are gathering evidence of what works and what doesn’t. You must hold it loosely and not hold it against you or make it mean something is wrong with you. Nothing is wrong with you. You are stepping into something new, you are stretching toward something you desire, you are putting yourself out there. Keep rising, again and again.
Each time you stumble, check in with yourself. What can you learn from this? What new insight have you gained? And, most importantly, is this still what you want? Does this desire still resonate with your heart, soul, and mind? Is this still true to who you are and who you are becoming? If so, what can you do differently? What can you do to restore yourself and fill yourself up so you can keep going after it?
Sometimes things don’t work out because there is something better in store for you. When you can release your tight grip on how it is all supposed to look and trust that your job is to keep moving in the direction of your dreams, you allow the universe to conspire for your ultimate good.
When one person showed up on my webinar this past week and then jumped off, I told myself, I am doing this anyway. I have prepared for this. This matters to me. I went through the webinar and recorded it. When I finished, I thought to myself, someday I am going to look back at this and laugh. I am going to remember this – yes, the disappointment, but more importantly, the determination, not only to not let it get me down but also, to keep going. To show up anyway. To rise.
Now, this is not something I would’ve been able to do five years ago. I was attached to people liking me and was in seeking approval mode. If this had happened then, I would have been devastated. I would have made it mean something was wrong with me instead of seeing it as needing to change the method or structure or message, or so many other factors I could take into consideration.
Yes, it takes resilience, but more than that, it takes tremendous self-compassion and self-love.
Your job is to deepen your trust in yourself and your path. The way to do that is to be kind to yourself, pick yourself up when you fall, brush yourself off, smile, and tell yourself, I’m ok, I got this.
The more you can begin to trust your intuition and who you truly are, the more you begin to see that all the negativity and critique does not come from your true source. Who you are at the core is love. And as the saying goes, love always wins. Love has the power to make the biggest changes in your life, which then, impacts the lives of everyone you come into contact with. This may sound cliche, or too “woo – woo”, but I am here to tell, this is the most challenging, and the most rewarding work you will ever do.
Think about your effect on others when you are in a good place, when you are doing something you love, when you are positive – when you rise in vibration, energy, power, and love – others rise too. When you’re down and negative – think about how that affects those around you. We are all made up of energy and our energy absolutely has an impact on others. And, the amazing thing is, you have control over your energy. You can choose thoughts, behaviors, and actions that lift your energy or deplete your energy. It is always your choice.
Start to recognize that everything is working out for you. You must believe it before you will see it. Choose to learn, grow, evolve, and above all, love.
Wishing you a holiday filled with love, laughter, and light,
Kori